That Feeling

You know the feeling I’m talking about? When the ache in your chest is not a bad thing- in fact it’s so happy that you can’t help but share a smug smile with yourself and the houseplant?

I had one of those mornings. I couldn’t figure out why I was more interested in bouncing to my music than opening up to my Bible reading. Should I feel bad? Then, that smug smile crossed my face as it dawned on me; It was joy I was feeling. And there was nothing wrong with allowing joy to overflow.

After seven months of life coaching, countless awkward practice questions, plenty of tears, frustration and fears, I’ve been slowly seeing some more consistent fruit. At the beginning of coaching sessions, I was asked to choose three words to be coached toward. They had to be characteristics I would wish for my guests, after spending time with me, to walk away feeling. One of my three words I chose to be coached toward… is JOY.

I didn’t know how I would get there. I didn’t know exactly how joy would manifest; I just knew I wanted more of it in my life. Not consequently, Abigail means the Father’s joy. And I had sometimes wondered why God would have allowed me to be given a name I couldn’t live up to, one I couldn’t feel in myself to the extent I expected. But, through other circumstances last fall, the Lord began to show me that that seed was growing in my heart.

This morning, I put words to my realization; JOY is becoming a more familiar and welcome companion.

All snuggled into pillows

And sprawled upon the floor

I wonder at this feeling

That warms me to my core

The fireplace is humming

The sunlight smiling down

But neither are the source

Of this warmth I have found

It’s felt in sweet connection

It’s felt in honesty

Within a loving friendship

It blooms inside of me

There are moments of frustration

Images of fear

But a peek inside still shows

A lovely bud is near

A graceful, tender shoot

Sprouting from a tiny seed

And a season full of work

Has caused me to believe

With a God as good as ours

Who delights in growing things

He’s shown me how to garden

To cultivate the fruit it brings

Before the seed is sown

One must know what they will eat

And choose the care accordingly

Whether pumpkin, herb or beet

So with this heart of mine

I am quick to recognize

The sprout that boasts a bud

Has not come by blind surprise

But its fragrance fills my space

By its warmth I am blessed

A sweet little flower named “joy”

Is alive within my breast

-Abigail Wiggins